Sneaky ways you may be hating on yourself - How to step up your self-love game

I ended a mediocre relationship when I realized my self-hate was stopping me from getting the love I deserved. It was a sneaky thing - the behavior patterns were not things we normally label a self hate, just being ‘nice.’ So now that love is in the air as we come close to Valentine’s day, open the door to feeling TRULY loved right now.

Years ago, this was a huge revelation for me when I was discussing that  romantic relationship with my own coach (more of this story in today’s video💔). I discovered that in choosing to act in ways that didn’t light  me up simply because “it was no big deal” I was disrespecting  myself and compromising in ways that only kept me small.

Sneaky self-hating is sneaky because it manifests as the small choices we make, sometimes naturally, and not necessarily as the big self-sabotage actions we’re more used to hearing about like over-drinking, over-working, or over-criticizing ourselves. We may think: ”but, I eat well, I exercise and pamper myself often, I don’t do that! I totally love myself!”

And yet there is so much more to self love!

Are there any areas of your life where you’re dimming your light because you don't want to be rude, you just want to be nice, or you don’t want to seem uncool?

In the same way we can acknowledge our mistakes and make amends when we make a mistake with someone else, we can acknowledge and make it right for ourselves when we act with a self-hating energy. And if you feel self-hate is too strong a phrase, think of it as disrespecting yourself - that means disrespecting your gifts, or letting others disrespect your gifts, disrespecting your desires as in your heart’s desire, your purpose, your passion, ignoring or not tending to your needs. Does any of this sound familiar? 

Try it out! Consider:

Are there any behaviors that don’t honor your light, hurt you, or don't make space for your authentic self to come forward? What does your heart need to be mended, recognition, an apology, a commitment to change behavior, an amazing chocolate cupcake? Listen to what your heart needs to heal and give it to yourself without questions and with boundless love and appreciation! 

The good and the bad of breaking your own heart is that it is the worst kind of hurt and you have full capacity and permission to forgive and heal yourself! 

Be gentle with yourself, and find out how it feels as you reflect on that. Notice how your relationship with yourself evolves.

Love & Light,